haunted ;
arghh i realli hate this. i know u care. but nothing's working out now. in fact everything in our friendship has gone bad. i cant reciprocate in any way at all. itz just not possible. puiyeng thinks im mean. she cant believe im doing this. ah i hafta agree wif her. im starting to dread any slight form of communication. if itz considered communication tt is. in case u din know, ure pressuring me a lot too. stop where u r. i cant take it. i wish i hadnt gone near u at all.
im so tired of all the stuff tts going on. itz this big whole complication. i created it all. n i cant resolve it. im just caught in the middle of all the crap. itz such a pain just thinking back abt it. realli painful. abt the wrong choices i had made.. tt realli make me regret.. even till now. the whole thing is a big irony la. laugh n cry. this is the only thing tt makes me hope for time to turn back.
the upcoming week is gonna b the busiest n worst so far. big deadlines to meet.. test to take.. and kelvin. why kelvin still? this is the only issue tt matters to me now seriously. theres still a lot to resolve and settle on my part. some form of proper conclusion has to take place before anything else. i dont know wads wif me.. the whole world may be against him.. he may be against me.. but anyhow, he would still matter to me. so yeah i hafta take this seriously i guess. hafnt been doing anything much abt it so far.
im left wif last 3 eps of da chang jin. mm gonna b so bored aft tt.
im falling ill. realli bad. haiya i need to recharge or sth la. hafta stop falling aslp during lectures. i guess itz cos sometimes i just dun feel like listening la. i wld just shut off right at the start.. or aft 15 min or so. so yeah hafta make it a point to realli listen.
today was bad too. my left eye there was like twitching like crazy. it has been twitching for like 8 days.. but today was really twitching so much la i dunno y oso. cldnt do my work properly at the lib.
ok im off for now! n im fine. realli. i dont know la. maybe im living in denial or sth. but i wld usualli think tt im alright. mayb cos i dun think too much abt stuff or sth. i dun end up feeling sorry for myself or anything like tt. i feel tt itz realli sad to sink into depression urself la. hmm complex n oversensitive ppl.. like y dig so much into some stuff? confuse urself.. not knowing wad u want.. mope n feel sorry for urself.. getting nothing out of everything.. n go crazy. itz tiring. n u can never get out of it. fortunately, im sane most of the time (=
time;1:47 AM